


am I paranoid

by dansmithism



Category: Bastille (Band), The Tick (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-26 00:14:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13846002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dansmithism/pseuds/dansmithism
Summary: Dan is a super, Kyle works for the UK branch of EGIS.things get a little... weird.





	1. destiny's calling collect, accept the charges

**Author's Note:**

> Bastille did a thing for The Tick's OST and I was watching some of the newer episodes soooo here's a thing based on that.

Ever since he was a kid, Kyle had been obsessed with superheroes. The fact that they were not only real, but that they were roaming around London like any other regular person had fascinated him for years. He had witnessed a few of them saving the city on more than one occasion and had been, like everyone else, exposed to their appearances on the television and on the Internet, so avoiding them was pretty much impossible. His obsession was the reason why he had decided to join the UK branch of EGIS after university and become one of their agents. Well, okay, so he was one of the agents that handled the bearaucratic side of things - registering new or previously unknown supers, filling the forms, filing papers, boring office stuff, but it was still a pretty good job. It was definitely a well-paid one, that much was certain. 

“Simmons?” His superior’s voice cut through the usual white noise of the office, making Kyle blink before he finally turned and looked up at him.   
“Yeah?” He replied, trying not to look as if he hadn't been concentrating fully on his paperwork.  
“There's a new super that needs registering. Police brought him here after arresting him for destruction of property.” Said the older man, looking rather worn. “He’s in the holding room, waiting for you.”  
“Okay,” Kyle nodded, immediately getting out of his seat, grabbing some papers as he did so, before scurrying off to the holding area.   
“Simmons, one more thing.” Called his superior, forcing Kyle to stop in his tracks and look over his shoulder. “He doesn't have a superhero name. Don't give him one. We already have too many of them in this bloody place as it is.”  
“Okay.” Came the simple response from Kyle as he continued on his merry way down to the holding room. 

Once there, he found two cops stood at the door, apparently waiting for him to arrive. One was peering through the glass strip in the door at this new super, the other was sort of glaring at him.   
“Sorry, I needed to get some more of the forms.” Kyle mumbled, holding the files up to show the officers.  
“Just get it over with.” Sighed the glaring officer, turning to open the door and let the desk jockey into the room. Slinking into the room and closing the door, Kyle scanned the room before letting his eyes settle on the tall, skinny figure by the table. He didn't look like much of a super. 

“Hi.” Greeted Kyle with a polite smile, taking the empty seat opposite the other man, slapping the files down on the old, cold, metal table. “I'm Kyle.”  
“Dan.” Replied the super, raising his cuffed hands in an attempt to give the slightly taller male a wave.

“You’re a super?” It was a stupid question, but sometimes the less experienced members of the police would mistake a mad, possibly drunk man’s complete destruction of property for inhuman, superhuman abilities and the EGIS superiors would have a habit of just automatically believing them, so Kyle wanted proper confirmation. Dan shrugged and flopped back in his plastic seat, refusing to look away from this EGIS agent as he frittered with the papers and started scribbling some numbers down into a box. “Sorry, I didn't catch that?”  
“I guess so? Yes.” Dan sounded a little frustrated at the fact that he had to answer, but at least he was complying. For now.

“A born super or?” Kyle asked, more so because of his own curiosity than anything else.   
“My parents are normal human beings, if that's what you're asking.” Dan snipped, he wasn't happy about being in here, cuffed and being forced to talk to an idiot. “Whether or not they're my real parents is a separate thing altogether. To answer your question directly, though, I have no idea. I could be.”  
“Hm,” hummed Kyle, pushing out his lower lip as he nodded. “Right, we should get this thing over with… Full name and birthdate?”

“Daniel Campbell Smith. July fourteenth, nineteen eighty-six.” The reply was given instantaneously, automatically, like he’d been asked that question every single day for most of his life. Like he’d practiced saying it.  
“I was told that you don't have a superhero name, but judging from your overall attitude, you might not have given it to my superior, so, do you have one or not?” Kyle asked, scribbling the information down on the form. This would be a bitch to transfer onto the computer later, but with a few supers having technopathy and having caused issues in the past, EGIS had decided to use the old fashioned way during registering. Pen and paper. Talk about old school.

“Bastille.” Dan mumbled, adjusting himself again, opening and closing his hands when he started feeling the sensation of pins and needles in the tips of his fingers. Kyle frowned and looked up at him, confused. “Bastille. B, A, S, T, I, double-L, E. My birthday is Bastille day… The French national holiday?” He insisted, looking rather frustrated with the fact that Kyle just wasn't getting the message.  
“I heard you the first time, I was just wondering why you went with Bastille and not something else.” Kyle responded, glancing up at him from the papers.  
“Because I'm an unimaginative prick?” Dan shrugged.

“Why not The Stormer or Oncoming Storm or Revolution? Why Bastille, specifically?” Kyle's overall curiosity was overtaking his professionalism now and it was showing. It made Dan want to laugh, but he managed to resist the urge.   
“Because I can't control the weather and I'm not the pretentious supervillain who believes that he is exactly what the world needs in these dire times.” Dan told him, doing his best to raise his hands so that he could add some facetious air quotes to his words. “Besides, it's better than London Bridge or Uncle Samson or Onward.” He continued, shrugging some. “That dog can get fucked, by the way. He sold out and cashed in on his friends’ deaths. I say stuff him and put him on display in the natural history museum.” That American superdog, the mascot of what was once the Flag Five, had really gotten under the skin of several other superheroes, but he was too famous to actually do anything about. Much to Dan’s annoyance. 

“I suppose, but it doesn't make any sense.” Kyle argued, scribbling some more. “Also, Onward is called Midnight now and he didn't sell out.”  
“Oh and ManCat does?” Dan clapped back, rolling his eyes. “Yes he fucking did.”  
“Powers?” Kyle decided to leave the argument about Midnight right where it was and continue with the registering process instead.   
“Electrokinesis, advanced strength and advanced speed.” For some reason, in that moment, Dan decided to give Kyle a little demonstration of the first ability. He raised his cuffed hands and created a small amount of electricity between his index fingers.   
“Stormer could have worked.” Was Kyle's only response to the demonstration, much to Dan’s disappointment.   
“Fuck you, that was impressive.” Frowned the elder male, dropping his hands.   
“Not when you know about the Terror’s former right-hand woman who has a form of electrokinesis that's specific to static electricity, it isn't.” Kyle retorted.“Why didn't you get registered before?”  
“Because I don't know, I didn't think about it? Because I hate red tape? Because I can't stand the idea of being registered with an organisation that's notorious for really, truly, not giving a shit?” Dan snapped, raising his voice. “Pick your favourite.”

“Because you didn't think to get yourself registered is the least offensive answer, so we’ll go with that one.” Kyle said calmly, scribbling it onto the form. “Why aren't you wearing your costume?”  
“Because it was my own flat that I destroyed.” Dan told him. “It was broken into, I fought the burglar, we caused a big mess.”  
“Shit.” Breathed Kyle.   
“Yeah, and because he came out worse, I got cuffed and arrested for destruction of property. Imagine calling the police for help with a burglary and they arrest you for something completely insignificant.” The elder male shook his head and sighed. “Landlord is my dad, so you can't suggest that he called the coppers on me.”  
“I wasn't about to suggest that.” Frowned Kyle, moving the papers around.   
“Besides that, my costume isn't much of one, anyway. Jeans, specially made custom Chucks, white t-shirt with this print of a capital B on it, red bulletproof jacket, cheesy as fuck eyemask… Makes it easier to change and blend in with the rest of London whenever I need to.” Continued the super, ignoring the EGIS agent.   
“Whip the mask off and you’re away.” Commented Kyle, smirking.   
“Exactly.” Laughed Dan, nodding. “Also, capes are much more dangerous than anyone thinks.”  
“And so five decades ago.” Kyle was being a facetious twat on purpose now.   
“I mean, yeah.” Dan shrugged. “But also, they look ridiculous.”  
“Few supers wear eyemasks anymore. Too much of an Eyes Wide Shut vibe.” Kyle commented quietly, still wearing that stupid smirk.   
“Yeah, well, I don't want people knowing that I'm a super. Or that I attend orgies on a regular basis.” Dan clapped back, laughing.


	2. enough with this destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan goes to Kyle's to warn him about a villain being interested in him. Kyle let's him stay as a bodyguard.

Some weeks went by and Kyle was still thinking about Bastille - about Dan. Why had he been so against registering himself? Why had he been so against EGIS as an organisation? Was he under the same delusions as Overkill had been - that EGIS was a useless organisation formed only to keep supers on a tight leash and that, by registering himself, he was being collared? A light frown came over Kyle's face as he sauntered into the newsagents, ignoring the old-fashioned bell as it dinged happily somewhere above his head. 

He went straight to the counter, got himself a pack of cigarettes - feeding a bad habit he had sworn to have quit months ago - then loped to the fridge to get himself a drink. He was still thinking about that super as he paid for the drink and left the shop. He was still obsessing with that super as he walked up the street and back to his flat. Some supers were obvious about their intentions and who they were, others, like Bastille, like Dan, were much more enigmatic, mysterious, less obvious. Those supers often acted within the grey line between good and evil; they were Anti-Heroes, of sorts. Like the fictional Deadpool. Like the all too real Overkill. Kyle sighed and scanned the road before crossing to the other side. 

“Oi, desk jockey!” A voice interrupted his thoughts and forced him to look around, looking for the source. When his eyes found Dan - Bastille - stood at the top of the steps that lead to the communal entrance of Kyle's building, the EGIS agent blinked and stared at the super before him. Dan had been right about his costume not being much of anything, but it suited him. Superian had always looked like such a dick in his costume and ManCat had worn a faux fur leopard costume that wouldn't have looked out of place at a terrible Halloween party, so to see something both unique and simple it was a breath of fresh air.   
“Bastille?” Kyle frowned, slowly approaching the other man, gripping at the cigarette box in his pocket. “What are you doing here?”  
“Patrolling the area.” Shrugged Dan, tilting his head to one side as he leaned against the concrete banister, folding his arms against his chest.  
“Very specific area, isn't it, my flat?” Kyle asked, scanning the super.   
“I didn't know it was your flat.” A blatant lie, but without evidence, Kyle couldn't call him out on it. “Why aren't you at work?”  
“Day off.” Kyle replied, shrugging some. “You were right about your costume being pretty shit. You look like you’ve just come from a bad masquerade party in Soho.” Thankfully, Dan hadn't taken offence and laughed at the comment.  
“You look better out of your EGIS uniform.” It was a compliment. An actual compliment, not a sarcastic quip or a snarky joke.   
“Oh, uhm, thanks.” Shrugged Kyle, offering something of a sheepish smile. “So… Why are you really here?”  
“I told you, patrolling the area.” Insisted Dan. “I’m just taking a break, that's all.”  
“Come off it, why are you hanging around my flat?” Kyle demanded. It was a weird place to take a break, even if the patrolling story was the truth. Too specific.  
“Fine.” Dan buckled, raising his hands. “I’ll tell you.”  
“I'm sensing a but?” Kyle encouraged, coming to a complete halt by the front door.   
“But I can't do it out here. All I can say now is that I knew you were off and that I came to find you.” Confessed Dan, dropping his hands. “I was waiting for you.”  
“You want to come inside?” Kyle's tone wasn't just confused, but offended that this super thought that it was perfectly alright to turn up on his doorstep out of the blue and be allowed inside his inner sanctum.   
“Know of anywhere else completely private where I can tell about some exceptionally sensitive information relating to you?” Bastille sighed, pushing himself upright and straightening his back.   
“Well, no, but you can't just expect people to let you inside their homes. You could have contacted me through EGIS.” Kyle told him, fiddling with his keys as he tried to unlock and open the door.   
“And risk the information not getting to you at all?” Dan shook his head feverishly. “No. It was easier to give you the information directly.”  
“Fine, follow me.” Sighed the younger male, holding the door open for Bastille before leading him up to the fourth floor and into his apartment. 

“Nice place.” Hummed Dan, pushing his eyemask up when he was sure that the door had been closed as he took in Kyle's flat. “Very… Hisptery.”   
“Thanks.” Sighed the agent, rolling his eyes as he dumped his keys into a bowl by the door, threw the cigarette box onto the table and shrugged his jacket off.   
“Bet you a fiver that those are menthols.” Sniggered Dan, gesturing at the cigarettes on the table. “Marlboro ones, at that. High-end cancer sticks.”  
“Stop riffing and get to why you want to talk to me.” Snapped Kyle when he had finally had enough of Dan’s apparent idiocy.  
“No offer of coffee? Wow, you're not the best host, are you?” Dan feigned offence, melodramatically placing a hand over the large B on his chest.   
“Coffee?” Kyle offered, sarcastically.   
“Please.” Smiled Dan, sounding rather sweet. “Black, no sugar. Then we can get to why I'm here.”  
“Jesus fuck you’re frustrating, you know that, don't you?” Snipped Kyle, storming into the kitchen. 

“Here.” He said, shoving the coffee into Dan’s hands when he eventually made his return to the living room before moving over to the table to grab his cigarettes and dropping himself onto the sofa.  
“Thank you.” Replied Dan, taking a seat in an armchair before he sipped at the coffee. “Tastes like it came out of a camel’s arse, but it’ll do.”  
“Why. Are. You. Here?” Kyle emphasised each word in his frustration, putting a cigarette between his teeth and sparking up.   
“I have it on good authority that you’re being eyed up by a certain supervillain to be his next victim.” It sounded so calm coming out of Dan’s mouth that Kyle had to process the words three times before the information stuck.   
“What?” He blinked, taking a drag off of his cigarette.   
“I’ve been watching Mesmer, listening to his plans from afar, getting an informant of mine to give me updates on them every now and then.” Dan elaborated, leaning forward in his seat and setting his drink down on the coffee table that sat between them.  
“Mesmer? What does he want with me?” Even if Dan was explaining it as simply as he could manage, Kyle was still struggling to see the connection.   
“He wants a man in EGIS UK. You’re the only desk jockey in that place that cares enough about the job to be anywhere near good at it. He knows that.” Dan continued. “He plans to kidnap you, condition you into believing that you’re helping a super get some information and use that information to take us out one by one using something called Bismuth Alpha.”  
“The fuck is Bismuth Alpha?” Kyle spat, letting the smoke out through his nose.   
“An element, or rather a strain of an element, that's designed to kill supers.” Replied Bastille, glaring at him. “Big Bismuth is the one that can kill supers like Superian. Bismuth Alpha is the kind that can strip any super of all of their powers, making it easier to kill them.”  
“Shit a brick.” Breathed Kyle, flicking ash into an ashtray on the table.   
“Yeah. Thought I’d warn you… Or try to convince you to let me stay with you and act as your bodyguard until they get bored of waiting.” Nodded Dan, clenching his jaw some. “There's four of Mesmer’s guys outside, right now, watching this place like hawks. If I stay, keep an eye on you, they'll get bored and he will eventually call them off so he can try the plan from another angle.”   
“Why should I let you stay in my flat? Why can't you just stand guard outside or something?” Argued Kyle, taking another drag off his cigarette.  
“Because there's a chance that while I'm outside, standing guard, they'll find another way in and another way of taking you anyway.” The sincerity in his voice made Kyle sigh. This wasn't Dan messing with him now, it was Bastille being deadly serious about protecting an innocent person from being taken and brainwashed by a supervillain.   
“Okay…” Kyle nodded making a gesture with his hands. “Okay, fine, stay. You get the couch.”  
“Fine by me.”


	3. this is why one us doesn't have any friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an ambush occurs at Kyle's flat.  
> Bastille fights them off.

Living with a super was not at all fun. If anything, it was rather frustrating; at least it was with this particular super. If Dan wasn't being the worst roommate alive, he was being an overwhelmingly overprotective guard dog. It was particularly bad once it had gone dark and Kyle's neighbours were returning home from their own workplaces. Any tiny sound and Dan was either up by the window, peering through the dirty glass, looking for the source of the noise or stood by the door, spying through the peephole to make sure that there wasn't anyone on the other side. Which was exactly what he was currently doing. 

“Will you chill out and come and eat?” Kyle ordered, placing some cutlery by a sorry-looking plate of lasagne, letting out a harsh sigh to stop himself from rolling his eyes.  
“Not hungry.” Came Dan’s stoic reply as he placed his hand against the wood of the door and tried to get himself closer to it.   
“You haven't eaten anything in two days.” Argued the EGIS agent, approaching the space just behind Bastille and reaching a hand to his shoulder. “You need to eat something. Even villains eat at some point, so sit your arse down and eat the dinner I made for you.”

Dan pulled away from the door, blinked and turned to face Kyle. “You made me dinner?” He seemed confused by the idea of someone making him anything, let alone a plate of food. Perhaps it was all that time living alone in his Fortress Of Solitude?  
“Yeah, I made us both some lasagne.” Shrugged Kyle, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Its not much, but its sustenance. Supers need sustenance.”

“I, uhm,” Dan, for once, was lost for words. “Thank you. I appreciate it.”  
“You’re welcome, now sit down and eat, before I'm forced to feed you by the door.” Kyle told him, taking a seat by the tiny dining table behind the sofa. It took Dan a few moments before he, too, decided to sit down by the table. “Take that stupid thing off at the dinner table, you look ridiculous.” Demanded Kyle, using his fork to gesture at Dan’s eyemask.   
“What if-?” Began the super.  
“No one is going to drop in on us, unannounced, while we're eating.” Interrupted the desk jockey. “Take it off before I yank it off for you.”  
“Fine.” Sighed Dan, pushing the mask up and pulling it off, setting it down on the table. “Better?”  
“Much better, yes.” Replied Kyle, not looking up from his dinner. “Now eat, or so help me-”  
“Okay, okay! Jesus fuck, calm down.” Snapped Dan, picking up his fork and stabbing the meal with some frustration. He cut a small piece away from the main section, scooped it up and shoved it into his mouth. Dear Christ, it was disgusting. Kyle was many things, but a cook, he was not. “I guess I know how your last roommate died.” He muttered, trying a second mouthful. Nope. Still disgusting.  
“I told you that it wasn't much.” Replied the younger man, shrugging. “I don't normally cook for anyone but myself.”  
“It shows.” Dan sighed, playing with his meal. “Not to be rude, but it tastes like a boiled rubber chicken.”  
“How do you know what a boiled rubber chicken tastes like?” Laughed Kyle, unable to help himself. Bastille had a habit of coming out with random sentences, and no matter the context of said sentences, they were always hilarious.   
“Because I'm eating one, now.” Retorted the super, grimacing at his next mouthful.  
“Don't be a dick, just eat it.” Kyle commanded, glancing between Dan and the meal on the table. “Next time, you can make dinner.”  
“Deal. I’ll make us a curry. I’m good at those.” Nodded Dan, grinning.  
“So long as its not a seafood curry, or too hot, fine.” Shrugged Kyle, prodding at his own dinner a few times. 

After some silence had been allowed to sit between them as they ate, Kyle found himself growing curious about Dan’s relationship with other supers. If he had one at all. If he was simply a lone wolf, doing his best to save parts the city by himself.   
“Dan?” The name came out quietly, as if he was afraid of saying it any louder.  
“Mm, yeah?” Replied the super, just about finishing his disgusting dinner as he glanced up at the agent.  
“Do you…? Do you know any other supers?” A part of Kyle cursed himself for not backtracking and throwing the question away, but it was too late to do anything about it now. “I mean… You’re not part of a team or anything?”  
“A few, yeah.” Nodded Dan. “No, I'm not. I’ve always worked alone. Less issues. Less people telling me what to do.”  
“Issues? You say that like you used to be in a team.” Frowned Kyle, tilting his head as he watched Dan struggle with the last few morsels of his meal.   
“Not exactly.” Dan shook his head. “I worked with a partner once, she took advantage of me… Turns out she’d defected to the dark side.”  
“Did you..? Have a thing with her?” Why was he asking that question? Why was that even relevant? Idiot.  
“Uhm… Sort of.” Frowned Dan, putting his fork down in the middle of the plate. “We… We were superfriends with benefits.” He let out a bitter huff of a laugh. She had weakened him, taken advantage of his emotions and used him to get some information on him for her master, Mesmer.   
“She used you for sex?” Kyle's eyes widened.   
“Among other things.” Dan nodded, pushing the plate forward. “Thanks for dinner. As disgusting as it was.”  
“You’re welcome.” Kyle replied, offering him a weak sort of smile. “So because she used you, you don't work with other supers anymore?”  
“Pretty much. It's hard to trust people when you’ve had your heart messed with.” Dan shrugged.   
“So when’s the last time you got laid?” It was meant to be a joke to ease the tension.   
“Three years, eight months and two days ago.” Came the all too serious reply. Damn, that was a long time to go without so much as a drunken fumble.   
“Wow.” Kyle snorted, shaking his head. “You must be desperate for it.”  
“It comes and goes.” Dan smirked. “You can do a lot with your own hands, y’know.”  
“Ugh, come on, that went too far.” A disgusted expression came across the younger man's face.   
“You brought up my sex life.” Argued the super, getting out of his seat and grabbing the eyemask.  
“You didn't have to tell me that, though.” Whined the agent, getting up and collecting the dirty plates before disappearing into the kitchen. 

Dan, finding himself lost without Kyle being in the room, followed and leaned against the arch that separated the kitchen from the main flat.   
“When's the last time you got laid, then?” He encouraged. It was only fair. Kyle had pried into his sex life, after all.  
“I don't know… A year ago?” Kyle replied, not really thinking about it. When was the last time he’d shared a bed with someone? He couldn't remember. It had been a while, he knew that much. “I haven't been as chaste for as long as you have, that's for sure.”  
“Hey, there's more to life than sex!” Dan tittered defensively. “Besides, I've been busy.”  
“With superhero stuff and masturbation by the sounds of it.” Kyle clapped back, sniggering as he put the plates into the dishwasher.  
“Shut up.” Mumbled Dan, folding his arms against his chest. “Superheroes don't have much time to deal with a relationship, okay?”  
“A quick tug, though, you can find time for that?” Kyle grinned, locking eyes with Dan for a moment or two, just so that he can take in his reaction. He looked like a kicked puppy. Annoyed but cute.  
“I can do what I like in my private quarters.” Said the super bitterly.  
“Like master the art of masturbation.” Nodded the agent, turning the dishwasher on.   
“Better than watching crap television until two in the morning.” Shrugged Dan. “Like you do.”  
“Hey, I think you’ll find that Made In Chelsea is a work of art.” Kyle snipped. “It's like a soap opera in real life. Posh people being all sad, looking out over the Thames, contemplating rich people life, its great.”  
“Yeah, it's like something out of a Dickens novel.” Dan retorted sarcastically, rolling his eyes.   
“Oh, and Twin Peaks is the greatest thing since sliced bread?” Argued Kyle. Having been forced to watch that show had wasted such a good amount of his life that he would never, ever get back and it was Dan’s fault.   
“It is, actually, yeah.” Nodded the super.   
“It doesn't make any sense!” Shouted the agent, gesturing wildly with his hands.   
“Wait until you see Mulholland Drive.” Dan smirked.   
“No!” Warned Kyle, wagging a finger at his unwelcome houseguest. “No more David Lynch under my roof. Consider him banned.”  
“Spoil sport.” Mumbled Dan pulling out his tongue. “Can we at least finish season two?”  
“Lynch. Is. Banned.” At this response, Dan rolled his eyes and made his exit, returning to his spot by the door. 

He pressed up against the wood again and spied through the peephole. Something didn't feel right. There was something in his gut writhing around, telling him that something was wrong. A sigh left him when he couldn't find something of interest through the peephole and he pulled away from the door, shuffling back to the centre of the room.   
“Something’s off.” He commented quietly, chewing at his lower lip.   
“What are you babbling about now?” Kyle sighed as he returned to the living room and sat down.   
“Something isn’t right.” Dan told him, flicking his gaze over to the agent. “I can feel it in my bones.”  
“You’re just being paranoid.” Kyle replied, rolling his eyes. “Everything's fine.”  
“No, I'm not.” Insisted Bastille, shaking his head violently. “There's something coming. Mesmer’s guys. We need to prepare for an ambush.”  
“An ambush?” The agent couldn't help but snort at the ridiculousness of the statement.   
“Yes. An ambush.” Nodded the super. “They're coming for you tonight. I can feel it.”  
“While you're here?” Kyle frowned. “I thought they'd get bored?”  
“Trust me. They're coming.” Dan insisted. “When, I don't know, but they are coming. The universe feels weird.”  
“The universe feels weird?” Another random sentence that made Kyle laugh. “Okay, electro-man. Say I believe you and they're coming for me tonight. What do we do?”  
“If you were a super, you’d understand what I mean.” A light frown graced Dan’s face. “We make it seem easy for them.”  
“What?”   
“You go to bed, or pretend to, we turn the lights out and we wait for them to come.” The plan was much too simple, but it would work. It would definitely work. “Then we catch ‘em off guard.”   
“Where do you think they'll come in?” Kyle wasn't sure that the plan would actually work. It was stupid and much too simple.   
“Bedroom window or the living room window.” Dan said, scanning the room for weak entrance points before pulling his mask down. “Door’s too obvious and your neighbours are likely to see something if they went with that route.”  
“Then why am I going to bed?” Kyle argued, shaking his head slightly. “That's a dumb move.”  
“But you aren't going to bed, that's the point.” Dan told him sternly, zipping up his scarlet bulletproof jacket. It would be handy, given that henchmen usually carried some sort of gun on them. “You’re pretending so that they think you're tucked up in your king-sized monstrosity when they try to come and snatch you and take you to Mesmer’s lair.”

“Okay.” Was Kyle's only reply as he got up off the couch and made his way over to Bastille. “What should I be wary of? Should they try ambushing me?”  
“They're Mesmer’s minions, so expect some sort of device that's designed to hypnotise you into complying with them as they drag you out of the flat.” Replied Dan, locking eyes with Kyle. Even behind the mask, Dan’s eyes were bright, blue and mesmerising. It was hard to look away from the super once you were caught in his electrifying gaze. “Do you have sunglasses or something to shield your eyes?”  
“Not really, no.” Sighed the agent after taking a few moments to think about it. He didn't need sunglasses this time of year and he wasn't quite blind enough to wear regular glasses. Already the protection side of the plan was beginning to sink like a stone. However, Dan nodded, shrugged then dug into his pockets, producing a pair of what looked like a regular pair of glasses and handed them to Kyle.   
“Those are one of only two pairs in the world. I own both.” The super elaborated as Kyle tried them on for size. The lenses were much too wide and the blurred vision they caused gave him a migraine, but if they were going to protect him from some kind of hypno-laserbeam, then he was going to trust Bastille's judgment. “They look and have a default to act like ordinary glasses so that people don't try taking them for their own agenda. They're actually just like a custom version Google Glass, essentially.” He paused to tap at the side of the frame, causing a light blue screen and some information to suddenly pop up, making Kyle jump. At least he could see without squinting or getting a headache now. “A scientist friend of mine made them for me so that I could scan the city from the rooftops without risking being seen.” Continued the super, watching with some amusement as Kyle slowly pulled the glasses off and glanced between reality and what was seen through their lenses. “Don’t take them off until I tell you to, understand?”   
“Alright.” Nodded the EGIS agent, putting the glasses back on, pushing them up the bridge of his nose. “What about you?”   
“I’ll be fine. I'm wearing specialised contacts.” Smiled Bastille, tapping the side of his head. “Besides, Mesmer’s yet to make a hypnobeam that affects me.”  
“Good to know.” Kyle smirked.  
“Right, let's get this trap set up.” Dan ordered, clapping his hands together. “You turn all of the lights out, then come back in here with me.”  
“Yes, sir.” Saluted the agent, before going through his flat, making sure that all of the lights were out and that it at least looked like he was getting ready for bed. Once he was finished, he managed, with the help of the night vision setting on Bastille's magic glasses, to navigate his way back to the living room. 

“You get down and stay down.” The sense of authority coming from Bastille made Kyle obey immediately. He crouched down low in the space between the couch and the coffee table and clutched at the fabric of his sofa to keep himself balanced.   
“Now what?” He whispered, glancing up at the super’s back. Anxiety was beginning to grow in the pit of his stomach, making his pulse speed up and his slow breathing became rapid panting.   
“Now we wait.” Dan told him, without even glancing over his shoulder at the agent curled up on the ground behind him. “Breathe deeply, inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. It’ll help keep you calm.”

Some time passed and still nothing happened. The waiting was beginning to frustrate Kyle, as was the painful sensation of pins and needles running up his legs, but he daren’t move in case Bastille told him off. He didn't want to disobey the super and get himself into a predicament.   
“How much longer?” He muttered through gritted teeth, adjusting his grip on the sofa.   
“Hush.” Commanded Dan, raising his hand up. “I can't hear.”  
Kyle rolled his eyes at the reply he was given. The superhero’s attitude was also really beginning to get on his nerves, too. At first, it had been rather amusing and he could force himself to tolerate it, should it get too much, but now? Now it was actually rubbing him up the wrong way entirely and his temper with the super was getting shorter and shorter by the second. 

Suddenly, a sound of rattling came from behind them, somewhere near the large living room windows. As soon as Kyle blinked and managed to turn his head just enough to see some men dressed in black fiddling with the glass of the window, Bastille had gotten to the other side of the room and was already stood in a fighting stance.   
“Wait for it…” Breathed Dan, clenching his fists, watching the men as they slipped the single pane of glass away from the windowframe and set it to one side. “Wait for it…” He breathed again, rolling his shoulders, watching as they stumbled inside the room. “Hello, boys!” He smirked, once one of them had been caught in his gaze before he swung a punch, hitting the men straight on the jaw and sending him flying to the bedroom door, breaking both the door and the man’s back in two. “Planning a surprise party are we?” 

He got into a melee with another, managing to dodge a few of the punches thrown his way before he grabbed at the second man’s arm, twisted it behind his back and let out a short, sharp bolt of electricity. The second man cried out in pain and fell to his knees before Bastille, smacking the floor with his free hand, grappling around for some kind of weapon to use against the super. With a rather twisted sort of grin across his face, as if he honestly enjoyed hurting these men, Bastille gave the man’s back a swift kick. The crunching noise, followed by the thud as he hit the ground, made Kyle tense from fear. Advanced strength seemed to be working as an advantage for Bastille in this fight. The other two men decided to split, one focusing on fighting Bastille while the other went searching for Kyle. 

With Bastille busy being distracted, grappling and wrestling with the third man, while sending sparks of electricity about the place - causing flashes of blue light to flood the room every now and then - the fourth was sneaking around the room, staying low to the ground in a bid to find the EGIS agent under the super’s protection.   
“Oh, come on!” Shouted Bastille over the loud crashing, banging and grunting, dodging a punch. “You can do better than that, surely! This is like fighting with a bunch of schoolgirls!”   
Just as his super (and temporary) roommate sent the third man flying through the window, Kyle found himself face to face with the fourth man. Frozen from fear, he refused to move and refused to say anything. He was trying to call for Bastille, but nothing was coming out of his mouth save for loud, frightened panting.   
“Shit! Shit!” He muttered eventually, scrambling backward before falling onto his backside. “Fuck!” He shouted as he felt the back of his head hit the hardwood floor.   
“Kyle? You okay?” Dan called into the dark, searching the room for the final man.   
“My head hurts, but yeah.” Came the groaning reply from Kyle as he slowly sat up and placed a hand on the back of his head.   
“Good.” Said Dan, moving to the spot in front of the EGIS agent to try and stop the final henchman. 

This one was much better at hand to hand combat than the others had been, because even super agile and super strong Bastille was struggling a little with this particular fracas. A swift hook to the jaw sent him reeling sideways, but he managed to keep his balance. As Bastille was regaining his composure, the man had gotten back onto the ground and grabbed at Kyle's ankle. The agent started feverishly kicking out at the guy, just about managing to catch him in the face or or twice before the man was pinning him to the floor by the throat.   
“Oi, fuckface!” Cried Dan from somewhere to Kyle's right, trying to get the man’s attention. “Get back here and finish me off!”  
The man ignored Dan and tightened his grip around Kyle's throat, making it harder to breathe. Kyle squirmed around on the floor, trying desperately to get the low-level villain off of him and, ultimately, failing.   
“You deaf, arsehole?” Dan yelled, hopping over to the pair on the ground, grabbing the intruder by the back of his shirt and pulling him off the agent. In that moment, and in some desperation as he was being yanked off his target, the man got hold of Kyle's glasses, then dropped them to the ground as he struggled against the super’s grip. “I said,” continued Bastille, rabbit punching the guy on the nose, breaking it instantaneously, “get back here and finish me off.”

Kyle wheezed and coughed a few times, trying hard to catch his breath as he put a hand to his throat. It was tender to the touch, but he was still breathing, so he took it as a good sign. From his spot on the ground, he watched as Bastille finished off the final man and dropped him onto the ground under pale light of the moon streaking into the room, then panicked when he realised that he wasn't seeing the scene in gloriously green night vision.   
“The glasses!” He breathed, scrambling around for them. “Shit!”  
Bastille threw the final man through the window, smirking when he heard his friend let out a pained grunt as the second body landed on top of him.   
“Forget them for a minute.” He ordered, turning his attention to the final two that were left unconscious in Kyle's flat. He grabbed one by the ankle and swung him through the window before making his way to the final victim, grabbed him by the collar and threw him out of the window too. “And stay out.” He muttered, dusting his hands off. 

Without even thinking twice, Bastille placed a hand around a nearby lamp and used the electronic energy within him to turn it on. A dim light flooded the room, giving Kyle a good view of the glasses before he managed to grab them and put them back on.   
“Holy shit!” He gasped as he scrambled upright and looked passed the super to see a pile of henchmen lying on the balcony.   
“Odd way to say ‘thank you, Bastille, how can I ever repay you?’” Retorted Dan, worriedly scanning the agent for any severe injuries. He seemed fine, but the bonk on the head earlier could have caused some damage.   
“You threw them out the window!” Kyle shouted, violently gesturing between Bastille and the pile of men out on the balcony.   
Dan blinked at him then shrugged. “Yes, and?”  
“Could you not, like, tie them up or something?” Babbled the agent, scrambling over to the open window to get a better view of the men.  
“Uhm… No?” Frowned Dan, confused. “They're safer out there where we can keep an eye on them until the police get here.”  
“The police?” It was Kyle's turn to be confused.   
“Yes. The police. Call them.” Dan said calmly, picking up Kyle's phone off the coffee table and handing it to him. “I’ll stay out there with them until the uniforms get here. Make sure they don't wake up too early.”

Dumbstruck, Kyle took his phone and watched as the super calmly padded up to the window, climbed through the hole and sat on the pile of men out on the balcony, crossing one leg over the other and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

“Go on, then!” Dan urged, waving a hand. “Can’t sit out here all night, it's fucking cold!”  
“Oh, uhm, right.” Stammered Kyle, unlocking his phone and dialling 999. “Hello? Yes. I need the police, please.”


	4. cut the crap and get to the torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kyle goes to dan's newly refurbished hq and meets Scarlet the AI and Will Farquarson the scientist.
> 
> hilarity ensues.

Once the police had finally left, taking all four of Mesmer’s men with them, Kyle was left with Bastille, a banger of a headache and one Hell of a draft. He rubbed a hand against the back of his head a few times, wincing as he hit the most tender areas, and met with his super guest at the centre of the room.   
“How's the head?” Asked Dan, pushing his eyemask up once the door had been safely shut behind the police.   
“Feels like I got bricked.” Kyle replied, frowning.  
“Sit down a second.” Dan ordered, moving into the kitchen. He went into the freezer and started rooting around, the noise it made only aggravated poor Kyle's headache and the agent groaned in response to it.   
“What the fuck are you doing?” He called, noting that the super was taking his sweet time in the kitchen.   
“Getting you something to ease your pain.” Dan called back, grabbing a bag of frozen peas and kicking the freezer door shut before making his way back to the living room. He held up the bag and shook it so that Kyle was perfectly clear on what he meant. “This should do the trick.”

“Ah! Shit! Take it easy!” Kyle whinged as Dan placed the bag against the back of his head.   
“Don't be such a baby.” Muttered the super, scolding him. “You’ll live.”  
“I was close to being throttled to death.” Argued the agent, glaring at the elder man.   
“I pulled him off you in time.” Dan said, glaring right back. “He wouldn't have killed you anyway. His master wants you alive.”  
“Master?” Kyle blinked a few times at the word choice.  
“Boss. Mesmer.” Dan told him with a sigh. “He’s a supervillain with the ability to hypnotise people and harness that energy into technology. He takes hold of people's minds and turns them into his slaves. Master is the most appropriate term.”  
“Right.” Replied Kyle, raising an eyebrow at him.   
“Don't look at me like that.” Dan scolded him a second time, pressing the bag a little harder against the agent's head.   
“Ah! Stop that!” Cried Kyle, pulling away from him. 

“Maybe you should stay with me for a while.” Mumbled Bastille after a while, still worriedly scanning Kyle. “They might send more guys here. Stronger guys.”  
“And be forced to watch Lynch films?” Kyle shook his head, just about managing a laugh without wincing. “No offence, but I’d rather take my chances with Mesmer.”  
“Hey, both scenarios end up with your mind being fucked.” Shrugged Dan, sniggering. “Seriously, though, you’ll be safer hiding out at my HQ. You can even sleep on the bed, if you want.”  
“Wow, consider me honoured!” The agent let out a melodramatic gasp. “Sleeping in a super’s bed! Mercy me!”  
“Don't be a twat.” Snorted the super, shaking his head. “It’d be better for your recuperation than sleeping on my couch. That thing isn't exactly comfortable as it is, let alone when you're injured.”  
“Then why do you have it?” Frowned Kyle.   
“Because it matches the rest of the room.” Dan told him in a tone that was much too serious for it to be taken lightly, but Kyle did so anyway and laughed.  
“Fair enough, mate.” He said, trying his best to hide his wide grin.   
“We should go.” Dan sighed, glancing up at the open window. “Before the second wave appears.”  
“Can I at least grab some things, first?” Kyle asked, not bothering to follow the super’s gaze.   
“What do you need?” Dan’s eyes returned to fixate on Kyle's for a few moments. “I’ll get them and we'll go.”  
“Clothes. Toothbrush… The usual shit.” Kyle replied, shrugging some, taking the bag of peas from Dan and watching as the super got up and waltzed toward his bedroom door.   
“Give me two minutes.” Bastille told him before slipping into the bedroom. 

Out on the street, Kyle's headache was worse. The usually ambient noise of traffic and people was louder than usual and that aggravated the pain in his head, but there wasn't much he could do about it unless Bastille allowed him to stop at the newsagents to grab some painkillers. Thankfully, the super had allowed him to dull his craving for nicotine and so, for now, that would simply have to do. Stress and nicotine withdrawal were not going to make Kyle a happy EGIS agent, after all. 

“Why do people smoke those things?” The question out of Bastille's mouth sounded so innocent that it almost made Kyle doubletake. The super understood the idea of swearing, drinking and watching television, but not smoking? He sighed, exhaling the smoke from his lungs and turned to Dan, who was still waiting for an answer.   
“They start for different reasons, they keep doing it because of addiction.” Kyle eventually told him, flicking ash.  
“Even though they know that it can give them a multitude of different cancers and diseases?” Frowned Dan, still apparently confused by the process of smoking tobacco.  
“Yeah.” Nodded Kyle, putting his own cigarette between his teeth so that he could take another drag.   
“Don't they want to quit?” The questions were beginning to sound like something that would come out of a seven year old’s mouth. “Live longer?”  
“Some try. Lord knows I've tried every method of quitting known to man… Some are even successful and manage never to pick up another cigarette for the rest of their lives.” Kyle explained. A part of him wondered if this was just Bastille trying to hint at a stop smoking lecture he’d heard a million times before.   
“But?”   
“But sometimes the addiction is stronger than the person’s will power.”   
“Huh… Letting yourself be controlled by a little white stick seems ridiculous to me.” Said Dan, shoving his hands into his pockets.   
“It's not the stick we're addicted to, you idiot.” Kyle corrected him, rolling his eyes at the statement.   
“No, I know. It's the chemicals in the stick.” So Dan did understand how smoking worked, to an extent, just not the reasons behind why people did it in the first place. “Why did you start?”  
“Because I was a rebellious teen T M and because my mates were doing it.” Shrugged Kyle.  
“Peer pressure.” Nodded Dan, showing that he completely understood.   
“Not really? I wanted to be cool and rebellious and at fifteen, smoking was the coolest form of rebellion.” Kyle corrected him a second time, shaking his head.   
“You wanted to be cool, like your mates were cool, and because they were smoking, you thought that it was the quickest way to be cool. That's peer pressure.” Dan argued, giving the agent a quick glare.  
“I mean… I s’pose so? I don't know.” Kyle replied, throwing his free hand into the air. “All I know is that I haven’t managed to quit successfully in fifteen years and that I’m still being controlled by the little white stick.”  
“You’re weak willed.” Dan told him in such a casual manner that it made Kyle want to hit him. “Mesmer wouldn't have to use much of his hypnobeam on you before you were completely obedient to him.”  
“Shut up.” Kyle mumbled, taking another drag off his cigarette before letting out a harsh sigh.   
“It's true!” Dan snipped, nodding in agreement with his own statement. “Why do you think he makes junkies into his minions? Because they're easily controlled.”  
“Yeah, but I'm not a junkie.” Sighed Kyle, flicking the last of his cigarette into a nearby storm drain.   
“You’re a nicotine junkie.” Dan muttered. “Possibly an alcohol junkie.”  
“I do not drink that much.” Said Kyle, rather defensively. “A few cans after work on the weekend does not qualify me to be an alcoholic.”  
“You drank half a crate to yourself the other night.” Said Dan, making a face. “That's more than a few.”  
“One incident of me drinking half a crate of beer to myself doesn't make me an alcoholic, Bastille.” Kyle shoved his hands into his pockets and sighed. Clearly the super hadn't come across anxiety before or the concept that alcohol sometimes helped to numb the feeling of anxiety. “How much further, anyway?” Time to change the subject.  
“Not too far now, we turn right at this corner and we'll be there.” Bastille told him, pointing to a crossing at the end of the street. 

Having made a stop in front of some kind of warehouse building, Kyle found himself confused. There wasn't any obvious sign that anyone lived here at all, let alone a sign of any flats. He frowned and scanned the large, faded scarlet metal door. This couldn't be where Bastille recuperated after a long day of saving civilians… Could it?  
“This is your HQ?” He asked, turning his attention to the super, who was stood by a smaller metal side door.   
“Yep.” Dan nodded, placing his hand at the centre of the door. Farqy was a quick worker, and this new security system the scientist had set up the other week worked like a dream. The centre of the door lit up, framing Dan’s hand with thin blue lines before it began scanning it. “It got redone after the burglar incident.”  
“Oh, the one that brought you to EGIS?” Asked Kyle, watching the scene with some genuine curiosity. “The one that brought you crashing into my life?”  
“That's the one.” Grinned the super, removing his hand from the door when the square around it had turned green. The door swung open, revealing a dimly lit hallway on the other side. “After you.”  
“Uhm… Thank you.” Replied Kyle, slipping through the doorway and following the hallway. From behind, he heard Bastille enter and the clang of the door being slammed shut, which caused the entire room to flood with a much brighter light, revealing this rather bare looking HQ. “Nice place. Very minimalist.” He commented, turning to find Dan pawing into the room.   
“Thank you.” Smirked the super, pulling his eyemask off and placing it on a nearby dresser. “It's not much, but it's home.”  
“Welcome home, Bastille.” Said a robotic woman's voice, making the agent jump.   
“You have an AI system?” Kyle asked, actually quite impressed with the super’s newly refurbished digs.  
“Oh, that's just Scarlet.” Shrugged Dan. “Farqy added her to the new security system when we were tidying up my mess.”  
“Who the fuck is Farqy?” Spat Kyle. He had never heard the super mention this person before.   
“Farquarson.” Dan rubbishly elaborated. “The scientist friend of mine who made my specialised glasses. I call him Farqy. He hates it. It's hilarious.”  
“Oh, right. Okay.” Snorted the agent, managing to bring up an amused grin. “So he built, uh, Scarlet?”  
“Will designed and built me for Bastille, yes.” Scarlet replied, sounding rather… Proud of her creator.   
“Wicked.” Kyle smiled, looking around.   
“Very wicked.” Agreed Dan, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it over the back of his uncomfortable couch. 

“Wait. I thought that you didn't work with other supers?” Kyle frowned, returning his full attention to the super.   
“I don't. Farqy isn't a super.” Dan told him, plainly, moving around and dropping himself onto the couch.   
“Is he not, technically, a super scientist?” Kyle asked, shrugging off his backpack, letting it drop onto the ground. “Since he can design and build AIs and security systems in a matter of weeks and all?”  
“He is not a super. Just a very talented, very speedy scientist.” Dan replied, kicking his shoes off.   
“He’s super to me.” Chimed Scarlet, happily.  
“Shut it, Scarlet, no one's talking to you right now.” Snapped the super, looking up at the ceiling. She didn't do anything a regular human roommate would do, but she was certainly the worst one to have ever existed. She was annoying as fuck, but without her, Dan’s security system wouldn't work as half as well as it currently did.   
“Do you have to be so mean?” Argued the AI, which made Kyle laugh. She had a point, Bastille could be a bit mean, Kyle had experienced that side of him while the super was playing guard dog back at his own place.  
“I said shut it!” Dan clapped back. “Do something useful and add Kyle to the approved list.”  
“Approved list?” Mumbled Kyle, frowning.   
“It's a list of people allowed in Bastille's flat. His mummy, his daddy, his sister, my daddy and, now, you!” Explained Scarlet happily.  
“Right.” Nodded the agent, letting out a quiet chuckle at the way she had referred to Dan’s parents, as well as her creator.   
“I’ve told you about that mummy and daddy shit, Scarlet, especially when you're referring to Will! Knock it off, it's weird!” Shouted the super, who had now decided to lie down on the couch.   
“But he is my daddy.” Scarlet tittered. “He didn't programme me to use the other words.”  
“He made you an AI, for Christ’s sake, you can learn to use the words mum and dad.” Dan argued gesturing wildly with one of his hands.  
“I choose to use the words Will initially programmed into my system. Besides, it's funny to see your reaction whenever I use them.” Kyle swore that if she could, Scarlet would have giggled at that, so he let out a loud laugh for her.   
“You can shut it and all.” Dan snipped, turning his attention to Kyle.   
“Sorry, mate, but this is hilarious.” Kyle snorted, shaking his head. “You’re arguing with Artificial Intelligence about the words mummy and daddy. I can't not find that funny.”  
“I wouldn't be bothered if she didn't refer to Farqy as daddy.” Bastille rolled his eyes and felt around the arm of the couch for the TV remote before he started absentmindedly flicking through channels. “Every time he comes over she says --”  
“Hello, daddy!” Scarlet interrupted him and the sound of the side door being slammed shut made the agent turn on his heel and made the super sit bolt upright. “I’ve missed you! How are you?”  
“Hello, Scar.” Replied Will, bringing up a bright smile. “I missed you too. I’m good thank you, just came to see Dan about something.”  
“He’s in a funny mood, daddy, so tread carefully.” Scarlet warned her creator who sort of nodded and tried his best not to laugh.  
“Fair enough.” He replied, before setting his eyes on Kyle. “Who's this?”  
“Farqy, this is Kyle. Kyle, that's Farqy.” Dan muttered gesturing between the two before flopping back down onto the couch. “Father to an AI and scientist extraordinaire.”

“Will Farquarson. Please, for the of love all that's Holy, call me Will.” Sighed the scientist, offering Kyle his hand.  
“Nice to meet you, Will.” Replied Kyle, giving Will’s hand a good shake.   
“What do you want?” Came Dan’s voice from the couch. “I just got home and my show’s on, so it better be good.”  
“You sent me a message asking me to look at your friend's injury?” Will reminded him, sounding rather exasperated. Clearly this poor man had been dealing with the rather frustrating super for quite a long while.   
“My injury?” Blinked Kyle.   
“Your head.” Dan reminded him, pulling himself up a second time. “You bonked it pretty hard during the scuffle with Mesmer’s guys earlier.”  
“Oh.” The word fell out of his mouth, making the super sigh and shake his head in response.   
“As you can see, it's already affecting his short-term memory.” Said Dan sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Would you mind just checking that he's okay? That he hasn't got concussion or anything like that?”  
“You do realise that my speciality is not medical science, don't you?” Will asked, tilting his head at the super. “I thought you meant he had a gash or something that I can fix up since you’re terrible at first aid.”  
“Don't you have a scanner thing that, like, checks people out?” Dan argued, making a face.   
“I do, and I do have it with me, but that's not the point I'm trying to make.” Sighed Will, digging into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulling out some kind of technological instrument. “You shouldn't be messaging me for every little thing. That's what Scarlet’s for.”  
“I know, I know, like Dangerboat does for Overkill.” Frittered Dan, gesturing with one of his hands. “But Scarlet can't scan for injuries. Only weapons.”  
“Then I’ll add that to her in a little while.” Will said, holding the instrument up to Kyle's head and studying the small, square screen at its centre. “He doesn't have concussion, but he will be sore for a day or so. A day or so resting should help.”

“Are you sure?” Asked Kyle, eyeing the instrument in Will’s hand with some suspicion.   
“This is the most accurate scanner I’ve ever made. It's one of a few prototypes I’ve been working on for the NHS. There's one being used at St. Thomas’ here in London, one in a hospital in Wales and one in a hospital in Scotland for field testing.” Explained Will, flipping the instrument over so that Kyle could see the screen. It showed his heart rate, blood pressure and a miniature CT Scan of his head.   
“Wow.” Whistled the agent, very much impressed with the scientist's work. “It's like something out of Star Trek.”  
“That was actually an inspiration for it!” Grinned Will, putting it back into his inside pocket.  
“Maybe I should call you Bones.” Muttered Dan, leaning against the back of the couch, eagerly watching the interaction between the two men that were anywhere near close to being called his friends.   
“That would be inaccurate.” Said the scientist, giving him a look. “I’m a scientist, not a doctor.”  
“You just paraphrased him!” Snorted Dan, shaking his head.  
“I’ve told you before to call me Will and nothing else. Don't make me talk to your sister.” Warned Will, to which the super simply laughed in response.  
“What's she gonna do, tell my mum?” He retorted, wearing a grin that was bound to shorten the scientist's temper.   
“She’ll whip you into shape, is what she’ll do.” Will told him, bluntly, rolling his eyes before moving over to a bar that was meant to be part of the kitchen. He tapped twice on the counter and waited for a screen to pop up.   
“Ha! I’d like to see her catch me, first.” Sniggered the super, pushing himself off the couch and making his way over to the kitchen, too. Kyle, being sort of lost without his super crutch, tailed behind Dan and came to a halt somewhere between the superhero and the scientist.   
“Daddy?” Scarlet’s voice interrupted the argument.   
“Yes, sweetheart?” Hummed Will, not bothering to look away from the screen he was trying to concentrate on.   
“Do you have to encourage her?” Grimaced Dan, shoving a hand through his hair.   
“Hush.” Will commanded, calmly, still playing with the screen. “Scarlet’s speaking. What is it, sweetheart?”  
“Will you tell Bastille to be nicer to me, please?” She asked, sounding rather sad. “He keeps shouting at me and telling me off for calling you daddy.”  
“It's weird!” Cried Dan, looking at the ceiling with a visible expression of frustration on his face.   
“Like that.” Scarlet said, ignoring the super.  
“Why is it weird?” Frowned Will, looking up from the screen for a moment to lock eyes with Dan.   
“Because… It just is.” Came the rather weak argument from the super.   
“I think its because it makes him think of the Daddy/Little strand of BDSM.” Sniggered Kyle, doing his best not to crease over into a proper laugh when he caught Bastille glaring at him.   
“That explains a lot.” Nodded Will, grinning as he returned his attention to the screen.   
“What is wrong with the both of you?” Snipped Dan, gesturing wildly with his hands. “It's weird because she has the voice of a grown woman.”  
“Now, now, don't get defensive, Daniel.” Mumbled Will, finishing off what he was doing and closing the screen down. “We all know that you have some odd kinks.”  
“Kinks?” Repeated Dan, angrily. “I’ll give you kinks!”  
“Leave daddy alone!” Snapped Scarlet.   
“Shut it!” Dan commanded her.   
“Stop shouting at my Scarlet.” Will commanded him.  
“Aw, Dan, do you have a Daddy/Little kink?” Kyle snorted, knowing full well that would only rile him up more and make him even more defensive. “Does the fact that Scarlet says daddy turn you on? Is that why you don't like her saying it?”  
“Don't you start!” Snapped Dan, turning his anger on the agent. “Or I’ll give you kinks, too.”  
At that quite lame come back, both the agent and the scientist burst out into laughter. Messing with Dan was actually quite a fun form of revenge for all of the frustration he’d caused for the two of them. 

“You’re much too easy to wind up.” Will commented, shaking his head as he clapped a hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Scarlet, sweetheart, try not to call me daddy when I'm not here, okay? That way Dan will leave you alone.”  
“Yes, daddy.” Replied Scarlet, making Bastille tense with anger and Kyle crease over with laughter.   
“Good girl.” Will praised, locking eyes with Dan as he pulled up a grin.   
“I swear to God, you're trying to kill me.” Muttered the super as he shoved his head into his hands. “In which case, try harder.”  
“Because you're a super, we know.” Will retorted. “Scar should be able to scan for injuries now, as well as everything else. So if you want to check on Kyle's head, ask her to do it.”  
“Okay…” Breathed Bastille, nodding. “Thank you.”  
“You’re welcome.” Replied Will, before turning his attention to Kyle. “You should get some rest. Try not to wind him up too much, he’s not much use when he's upset.”  
“Alright.” Smirked the agent, nodding a few times. “Thanks for your help and, uh, it was nice to meet you, Will.”  
“Good to meet you, too, Kyle.” Smiled the scientist before making his way toward the front door. “Oh, and Dan?”  
“Mm, yes?” Replied Dan, finally pulling his head away from his hands.   
“Stop being horrible to Scarlet. She's here to help you, not be scolded every five minutes.” Will told him, sternly, before disappearing out of sight and leaving the flat with a loud, metallic bang of the door.  
“Jesus fuck.” Sighed the super.   
“I like him, he's funny.” Commented Kyle.   
“He’s right about you getting some rest.” Dan told him, dropping his hands and scanning the agent’s face. “Come with me, I'll show you where the bedroom is.”  
“Thank you, daddy.” Kyle honestly couldn't resist.   
“Don't. You. Dare.” Warned the super through gritted teeth.  
“Sorry.” Mumbled the agent, still wearing an amused smirk as he followed Dan to the back end of the flat and into the bedroom. 

The bedroom was as bare as the main flat was. The bed was made up of a mattress on top of two delivery pallets, there were sheets, some pillows and a duvet, but they, being a faded sort of blue colour, were truly the only decorative things in the room. The walls were bare brick, just like they were throughout the rest of the flat, no pictures, no sort of decoration other than an empty floating shelf that had been drilled straight into the bricks and a double plug socket just above the bed. There were two wooden crates that would have been used for fruit and veg at some point in their lives, placed in the far corner of the room that held clothes; one that was clearly dirty laundry while the other housed some neatly folded clean clothes. There was also a third wooden crate that had been upturned and placed next to the bed as a sort of bedside table, which was currently home to a laptop, an unshaded lamp and an alarm clock. The whole image looked kind of… Sad. 

“This isn't depressing at all.” Kyle mumbled, anxiously scanning the room.   
“Yeah, well, it's better than sleeping on the floor.” Muttered Dan, moving over to the bed and pulling back the duvet. He started messing with the pillows and took one of them off the bed, shoving it under his arm. “Get some sleep, I'll come and check on you in a bit. If you want to watch television or whatever, there's a screen on the other side of the room.”  
Kyle turned to find a large television sitting on a plain white TV stand in the centre of the wall behind him. The remote was hidden next to the Freeview box just underneath the television’s feet, but other than that, again, there was nothing to suggest that this place, this flat, this room was homely.   
“Thanks.” He said, offering Bastille a weak smile of gratitude.   
“No problem.” Shrugged the super. “You’re better off here with me, anyway.”  
“So you keep saying.” Nodded the agent, pawing over to the bed. “I forgot my bag in the living room--”  
“Get into bed, I'll bring it in.” Dan commanded, making his swift exit.


	5. not gonna get inside of bread with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dan gets a hold of a hypnobeam and tells kyle about his plans to repurpose it.

The next few days were something of a mix of torture and hilarity. On the one hand, Bastille's bedside manner was appalling and he honestly had no idea how to cook anything that wasn't a curry or involved being heated in the microwave, while on the other, the banter between the super and Scarlet was keeping Kyle's morale up. They argued about all sorts of stupid little things; how bright the lights were, whether or not Dan should be putting salt in his cooking, Scarlet’s reminders to add laundry detergent before Dan actually turned the washing machine on, what was on the television… It was like being at Halls again, hearing his roommates argue over the day to day running of the household - and that was hilarious. 

“What's up?” Greeted the agent, sauntering into the living room with a grin.   
“She's driving me mad again.” Dan replied, pointing at the ceiling. “How's the head?”  
“Better, thanks.” Kyle nodded, going over to the kitchen to make himself a nice, hot cup of tea. “Hey, Scar, has he been picking on you again?”  
“Bastille is being a little bit of a bully, yes.” Scarlet replied, making Dan force out a harsh breath. “He shouted at me for being helpful. I was only reminding him that he needed to get some more groceries. I’m glad that you're feeling better, by the way.”   
“Mate, come on, that's part of Scarlet’s job to give you reminders and stuff, don’t be an arse.” Kyle sighed, finishing up the process of making his tea.   
“She shouldn't be reminding me every few minutes, though.” Argued Dan, sinking into his seat on the couch. “I even have a list on the fridge.”  
“Then next time say, ‘thanks for the reminder, Scar, but I do have a list’ or whatever.” Kyle told him, taking a cautious sip of his tea before approaching the couch. “It wouldn't kill you to be polite.”   
Dan groaned in response and sipped at the coffee he had been nursing in his hands. He was being a petulant teenager again, and Kyle couldn't help but laugh at the super.   
“Fine. I’ll try it your way, next time.” Dan muttered, giving the agent beside him a quick glare. “Sorry, Scarlet.”  
“Its okay, Bastille.” Chirped the AI. “I know that superhero life can be a little stressful and I’ll put your mood down to that, okay?”  
“Sounds good.” Sighed the super, taking another sip of his coffee.   
“There, see, now we're all friends again.” Smirked Kyle, crossing one leg over the other.   
“Friends, my arse.” Mumbled Dan, resting the coffee in his lap.   
“Stop being such a prick.” Kyle sighed, shaking his head. “It really wouldn't kill you to be a little more friendly… Even if it is with an AI.”

“Will came round again earlier.” Dan said after a while to break the uncomfortable silence that had fallen between them.  
“Oh? I'm sad I missed him.” Kyle replied, rubbing a thumb against the side of his cup. “Was he here of his own volition or did you summon him?”  
“He came round to give me his verdict on this,” Dan told him, pulling an odd, space-age looking gun from his pocket, “I lifted it off one of Mesmer’s guys the other week and asked Farqy to have an in-depth look at it for me.”  
“What exactly is it?” Kyle asked, frowning at the pistol in Dan’s hand.   
“This, Kyle, is a hypnobeam.” Dan said, sounding rather melodramatic, as usual. “A mini one.”  
“A mini hypnobeam?”   
“Did I stutter?” Sniped the super, placing the instrument on the coffee table. “It's a mini hypnobeam, designed to put civilians under a temporary trance so that Mesmer’s guys can go about their business without much issue. It's got three settings as well, according to Farqy.”  
“So hypnosis lite, hypnosis max and?” Kyle snorted.  
“Death.” Dan said ominously. “It has a kill setting.”  
“Holy fuck.” Breathed the agent.   
“Yep.” Agreed the super.   
“So what was Will’s verdict?” Kyle asked, still staring at the gun.  
“That it can be repurposed for my own uses.” Shrugged Dan, rather nonchalantly.   
“Which would be?”  
“Hypnosis reversal, removing the kill setting, electrifying it - if you catch my drift.” Dan told him, listing each of his plans for the pistol-like instrument on one of his hands.  
“You're going to turn it into a sort of taser?” Kyle blinked a few times then turned to face the super beside him properly. Why bother going to all of that effort to turn the hypnobeam into an electrobeam when Dan himself could simply throw the electricity at his enemies?  
“Mhm, that's the plan.” Nodded the super, dropping his hand and gripping the coffee cup. “That way you get to be a useful sidekick.”  
“Sidekick?” Kyle snorted at the very idea. He wasn't even a super, let alone qualified to be a sidekick for one. “Why would you think that I’d want to be a sidekick at all, let alone yours?”  
“It's in you.” Dan said simply.   
“It's in me?” Kyle repeated, making a face. “What the fuck does that even mean? That's what I don't get about you supers. One minute you say something perfectly logical and easy to comprehend, the next you make about as much sense as a snake living in the antarctic!”  
“How do you know that there aren't any snakes in the antarctic?” Dan argued, chugging the last of his coffee and setting the cup down on the table in front of him. “There could be all kinds of snakes living in the sea down there. Not all of the ocean has been discovered, y’know.”  
“Because snakes are cold-blooded you idiot. They would die in the antarctic, whether they're sea snakes or otherwise.” Kyle told him, gesturing wildly with a free hand. “This is exactly what I mean! You and your super brethren have this annoying habit of trying to sound all wise and hyperintelligent when in reality you're about as clueless as us regular folk.”  
“Don't tell anyone, will you?” Grinned Dan, trying out a laugh at his own joke, which made Kyle groan.   
“Then there's the terrible jokes.” Sighed the agent. “Those disgusting puns are going to drive me mad, I swear to Christ. You are real superheroes, not the fictional comic book version, enough with the stupid one liners.”

“Hey, whoa! The fuck is up with you?” Dan snipped, raising his hands defensively. “All I said was that you have it in you to be a hero… Sidekick. Not many people do, y’know.”  
“Consider me honoured!” Came Kyle's facetious reply.  
“Kyle.” There was a tone in Dan’s voice that the agent hadn't ever really heard before. Was it one of warning? “Mate, calm down. I'm telling you that you have the potential to be a hero, and I'm giving you a jumping off point by being my sidekick. Do you think Overkill would be who he was without being Sharp Shooter first? Or Arthur without being The Tick's helper first?”  
“First of all, Overkill is an anti-hero, whose whole thing is vengeance and he wouldn't be who he was if most of the Flag Five hadn't been killed, if Sharp Shooter's hands hadn't been crushed and he hadn't been blinded by weaponised syphilis. Second, Arthur is still seen as Tick’s sidekick.” Kyle argued.  
“But he isn't… They're equal partners.” Dan frowned, confused by the idea that the American heroes were seen as separate ranks and not as a team. Tick and Arthur were equals. Without Arthur, Tick wouldn't be who he was and vice versa. They worked together, not with Arthur following the Tick’s orders.   
“I know that, but the media and everyone else sees him as The Tick's sidekick.” Kyle explained, gesturing at the television to help make his point. “Besides that, I'm not a super. I am not qualified to be your sidekick, let alone your partner.”  
“Arthur isn't a super.” Dan argued. “But he still goes out there with the Tick.”  
“Arthur has a super suit, though.” Kyle countered.  
“I’ll have Farqy make you a suit.” Dan clapped back.  
“Like Hell you will.” Sniped Kyle.   
“Why not?” Whined Dan.  
“Because I'm nothing more than a regular Joe who works at EGIS UK!” Kyle shouted, his voice echoing off the warehouse flat’s walls, making the super flinch. Bastille actually flinched. 

“You’re more than that.” Dan said quietly once the dust had settled.  
“That's the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Kyle replied, one he’d registered the words in the back of his mind.  
“Yeah, well.” Shrugged Dan. “It's true.”  
“Thanks, I s’pose.” Sighed Kyle, chugging what was left of his tea, placing the cup on the coffee table and getting up. “I'm going for a shower then we can go get some food in.” He announced, leaving the room. 

“Bastille?” Scarlet’s voice cut through the silence.  
“Don't even start, Scarlet.” Dan warned the AI.  
“I was just going to ask if you'd like me to add the shopping list to your glasses… And if I should still message daddy about Kyle's suit?” Replied Scarlet, doing her very best attempt at a whisper.  
“Yes, to both.” Dan told her. “And what have I told you about calling Will daddy?”  
“Sorry… Old habits die hard.” Scarlet told him.   
“It's okay.” Sighed the super.  
“Are you sure about Kyle having potential?” Asked Scarlet after a little while.  
“He doesn't believe me because of what's happened, but I know for a fact that he has the potential. It's vibrating through my core.” Nodded Dan, pushing himself up off the couch and making his way to the kitchen. “I think Mesmer knows it, too.”  
“Is that why he wants Kyle?” Scarlet sounded concerned by the idea of a supervillain wanting to use her friend for whatever evil gains he could think of.  
“Partly.” Dan confirmed. “He still wants Kyle because of the whole EGIS thing as well, but that potential he's harbouring, it could be used for evil just as much as it could be used for good.”  
“Mesmer can't have Kyle.” Scarlet said adamantly.  
“For once, Scar, I agree with you.” Dan laughed, grabbing a spotty banana out of the fruit bowl.  
“Kyle is a good person, Dan. Mesmer can't take him and make him a bad one.” Scarlet continued while the super peeled his breakfast and took a bite out of the banana.  
“I know, and I won't let that happen. I promise.” Dan told her. “He’ll have a storm on his hands if he tries.”  
“Good, because I like Kyle.” Scarlet replied.  
“So do I, Scar.” Dan agreed.  
“You fancy him.” Scarlet tittered.  
“I don't fancy him.” Frowned the super, finishing off his banana and dumping the skin into the bin by the fridge.  
“You keep watching him while he's asleep. Will said that's one way of knowing someone fancies someone else.” Scarlet argued.  
“I had to make sure his head was okay. Doesn't mean I fancy him.” Dan retorted, going into the fridge. He was still hungry, perhaps some yoghurt would satisfy his cravings? He shrugged to himself, grabbed a pot out of the fridge, shut the door and moved over to the cutlery drawer to get himself a spoon.  
“Yes, but his head has been fine for two days, now, and you still watch him while he's asleep. You look at him with this funny expression on your face sometimes, too.” Scarlet was determined to make Dan’s life difficult, apparently.  
“Funny expression?” And he was determined to encourage her for some reason. He pulled the lid off of his yoghurt and shoved the spoon into it, stirring the pot’s contents a few times before he took in a good mouthful of it.  
“Mhm. As if you're really happy that he's still here with you.” Scarlet elaborated.  
“Scar?” Dan said eventually, licking a few times at his spoon. “Can you do me a big favour?”  
“Sure! What do you need doing?”  
“Can you shut up?”   
“You're being defensive because you know I'm right about you fancying Kyle.” Scarlet replied, sounding rather smug. “It's okay, Bastille, your secret is safe with me.”  
“Thanks, Scarlet.” Dan sighed, rolling his eyes and returning his attention to his yoghurt.   
“I think it's cute, by the way, the way you watch over him.” She continued. “I, uhm, what's the word Will taught me? Oh! That's it! I ship you two.”  
At that, Dan almost choked on his yoghurt from laughing. “You ship us?”  
“Yep! I’d squee if you kissed.” She told him, happily.  
“Squee, really?” Dan sniggered, wiping the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. “Who says that - even if I did fancy him - that he felt the same about me and that he’d even want to kiss?”  
“Yes, squee, like this: squeeeeeee!” Scarlet replied, doing her version of an excited squealing noise. “I think he does fancy you… I also think that he wants to kiss you. He has that same funny expression you have sometimes when he looks at you.”  
“Oh okay.” Snorted the super. “Funny expressions could mean anything. He might be thinking about strangling me, he might be thinking about what's for dinner--”  
“He might be thinking about jumping your bones.” Scarlet chirped.   
“I mean, yeah, but that one's highly unlikely.” Dan argued.   
“You don't know that.” Scarlet told him.   
“Yes, I do.” He told her.  
“Not unless you told him how you feel.” She argued some more.  
“Stop pushing, Scarlet, or so help me--”  
“I'm trying to help you… Will says that you have trouble with other people, so I'm trying to make it easier for you by--”  
“By giving me a blow by blow of how I should approach them? Scarlet, there is a reason why I don't want to admit my feelings about anyone to anyone.” Dan frittered, finishing off his yoghurt, throwing the spoon into the sink and aggressively shoving the pot into the bin.   
“It's because of her, isn't it? Because of that Gaia girl Will told me about.” Scarlet’s sad tone seemed to be infectious because the emotion tugged at Dan’s heart.  
“Yeah, Scarlet, it's because of Gaia.” He sighed, leaning against the counter.  
“She broke your heart and now you're scared of putting yourself out there.” As if those words had actually pierced him, Dan shifted uncomfortably and sniffed, hard.  
“Scarlet?” He said after a little while.  
“Yes, Bastille?”   
“Remind me to have a word with Will about what he can and can't tell you.” He told her.  
“I'm sorry, Bastille. It's just, I get curious about your mood swings so I ask Will about them because he knows you best. I’d ask your sister but she hasn't come by, yet.” Scarlet confessed.  
“She hasn't been round in ages.” Dan sighed. “Kyle and Will are the only two humans that have been round this place in weeks.”  
“Have your mummy and daddy not come by, either?” Scarlet sounded genuinely upset by the idea that her super roommate was suffering with loneliness.  
“No, they haven't, Scarlet.” Dan replied, shaking his head. “They let me rent this place out because dad retired and hasn't got any use for it anymore, but other than that? They avoid me.”  
“Why do they avoid you?” From her tone, it sounded as if Scarlet had imagined a scenario in which Will would stop coming to see her.  
“I'm not exactly normal, Scarlet. What parent would love a freak?” He snipped, shoving his head into one of his hands. “They tried, but in the end, it wasn't enough. I was too much.”  
“Is that why you push away if someone gets too close? Not just because of Gaia, but because of your mummy and daddy as well?” Scarlet was really pushing his buttons now, but it was way too late to try and backtrack. He could feel his heart sinking to his feet and the small pang of sadness becoming bigger.  
“I s’pose so? I don't really know.” He admitted.  
“Its okay, Bastille, you don't need to push away anymore. You don't need them, you have new people in your life now. People who do love you.” Scarlet assured him, which, surprisingly, did make Dan feel a little better about his rather bleak past.  
“Thanks, Scarlet.” He said, trying out a smile as he finally pulled his hand away from his face.   
“Like me and Kyle! We love you. Don't we, Kyle?” At some point during the conversation, Kyle must have returned to the main flat from the bathroom and was now sort of hovering by the doorway. Dan glanced up to find him there, wearing a concerned expression, and tried to offer the agent his trademark grin.   
“Yeah, Scarlet, we do.” Kyle replied, offering Dan a weak smile of his own. “Even if he is a bit of a prick.”

“How much of the conversation did you hear?” Dan asked, shifting a little bit.  
“Enough to know that Scarlet ships us, whatever that means, and that you've had your heart ripped out a few times by the ones closest to you.” Kyle confessed.   
“Oh, good, you have ammunition.” Joked Bastille, laughing a little.  
“I understand you better.” Kyle told him.   
“Okay.” Nodded the super.  
“I do, though.” Argued the agent, slowly approaching him. “I get why you're so determined to keep me close, but you don't want to admit that it's because you have feelings for me as well as this whole protection from Mesmer gig. I get why you don't want to do that, too.”  
“My bleak as fuck origin story?” Dan retorted sarcastically, locking eyes with Kyle, who had come to a steady halt a few inches away from him.  
“Your bleak as fuck present.” Kyle sniffed, letting out a quiet laugh.  
“I should have known.” Smirked Dan, nodding some.

“Its okay, you know.” Kyle mumbled after spending some time getting lost in the super’s piercingly blue eyes. “To show a little bit of weakness every now and then.”  
“A little bit of weakness can get you killed.” Dan argued quietly.  
“Not this kind of weakness, you idiot.” Kyle scolded him, shaking his head a little.  
“And this kind of weakness would be?” Dan encouraged him, not even trying to move away.  
“This.” Kyle said simply before placing a kiss against the super’s cheek. Bastille's face flushed and he shifted a little awkwardly at the action, unable to decipher what was going on in his chest. He stared Kyle down, searching the agent's eyes for a few moments before deciding to throw caution to the wind by grabbing his shirt and pulling him into a proper kiss. A deep, sweet-tasting kiss.  
“Squeeeeeeee!” Cried an excitable Scarlet, making the super laugh as he pulled away a little from Kyle.  
“She did say that she'd squee if we kissed.” Dan told him.   
“She did.” Snorted Kyle, unable to hide his happy little grin.


End file.
